In reality, 80% of people don't take full responsibility for their lives. They continuously complain, make excuses, and blame others for the things in their lives that they are not satisfied with. The consequences of such thinking can be catastrophic, as it can destroy all hopes of success and happiness in their lives.
When you blame others, you miss out on the many improvements you can make in your life. Conversely, when you take responsibility for your life, you take a huge step from childhood to maturity. Unfortunately, most people, even in their forties and fifties, still complain about their past bad experiences and blame others or circumstances. Most of them are still angry about events that happened to them in the past—twenty, thirty, or even forty years ago. They are still trapped in them and can't break free.
People who have developed the habit of blaming automatically tend to get angry at inanimate objects. Blaming inanimate objects becomes so ridiculous that it borders on madness. People get angry at doors that won't open and curse the tools they use when they misuse them.
Reasons for Not Taking Responsibility
1. Making Excuses and Justifications
Justifying your actions is one of the major reasons behind negative emotions. Blaming external factors or others for your emotional state can keep you trapped in negativity. People often justify their negative feelings by creating seemingly logical and socially acceptable explanations.
For example, if someone is headed to an important work appointment and gets into a minor car accident that they caused, they might become extremely angry at the other driver. They justify their anger because they believe they have the right to be upset due to the unfortunate situation. However, if they accepted the situation as it happened, they would likely feel more at ease.
When you justify your actions, you typically try to give a "reasonable and socially acceptable explanation for your socially unacceptable behavior." For instance, when you engage in a heated argument with your life partner and then slam the door, you may explain your behavior by saying that you were angry and that it was a natural reaction for you.
Or if your personality is weak and you can't engage in conversations with strangers, you may blame it on your parents and the way they raised you in childhood.
Or perhaps your monthly salary isn't sufficient, and the reason is that the company offers low wages and no incentives. You complain about your financial situation and blame the company.
Excuses and justifications always involve making someone or something the source or cause of your problem. You choose to cast yourself in the role of a victim and place blame on others or organizations, preventing you from taking responsibility.
We often face situations like these regularly, so observe your daily life and pay attention to your reactions to situations that bother you. Evaluate whether you tend to justify your reactions or take responsibility for what happened.
2. The Inability to Take Meaningful Steps Towards Change
Most people are resistant to change, often due to fear of the unknown or a reluctance to make the effort required for change. Consequently, their lives remain unchanged until they decide to initiate change or until their circumstances force them to do so.
If you want to change your life, you need to change your behaviors, and there is an effective method for achieving this. It involves associating your old behaviors with immediate, unbearable feelings of pain and associating your new behaviors with immediate, believable feelings of pleasure and joy.
How can we reach this level of change? One way to do so is by reaching a degree of pain that is so intense that it leaves you with no doubt that change is necessary. In other words, when your mind tells you, "Enough, I can't spend another day or even a moment feeling or living like this."
Have you ever experienced this feeling in a personal relationship, for example? You may have held onto a relationship that was painful and unhappy, but you kept it nonetheless. Why? Perhaps you thought that things would improve without making any effort to change them. If you were suffering all this pain, why did you cling to that relationship? Despite not being happy, your fear of the unknown was a more powerful motivator. You might say to yourself, "Yes, I'm unhappy now, but what if I let go of this situation and I don't find a better one? At least I know how to deal with the pain I'm facing right now."
Then, your motto will be, "Better the devil you know than the devil you don't." In other words, endure your current situation because it might become worse in the future.
Such thinking is what prevents people from making necessary changes. However, one day, the pain that results from this situation eventually reaches a level higher than the fear of the unknown.
Why, then, do people often resist change even when they recognize the need for it? It's because they often associate more pain with making the change than with maintaining the status quo. However, we have the power to shift this equation for ourselves and others. The key is to flip it so that not changing becomes excruciatingly painful, while change becomes alluring and promises happiness and joy. In other words, I should remind myself of the downsides of not changing and the benefits that will emerge from embracing change.
In order to gain the real driving force, ask yourself questions that evoke a sense of pain: "What is the cost of not changing?" "What will I lose in the long run if I don't embrace change?" "What are the mental, emotional, physical, financial, and spiritual costs I'm currently enduring due to not changing?" Let the pain resulting from not changing penetrate your feelings deeply. If you still don't find sufficient motivation to change, focus on the impact it will have on those you love, your children, and other dear people in your life. Many of us will exert more effort for the sake of others than we do for ourselves. Therefore, try to imagine the extent of the negative impact of your failure on the people you care about.
Now, ask questions related to pleasure:
- "How will I feel if I make this change?"
- "What kind of motivation will I enjoy in my life if I embrace this change? What can I achieve if I make this change? How will my family and friends feel? How happy will I be then?"
By linking pain to not changing and pleasure to change, you will be driven to desire and enjoy the process of change.
How to Be Responsible about My Life?
The antidote to negative emotions is taking full responsibility for your situation. You can't just say, "I'm responsible," and still feel angry. Accepting responsibility shortens the path and extinguishes any negative feelings you may be experiencing.
You need to imagine yourself in control of your life by saying, "I am responsible" when you feel angry or irritated for any reason.
1. Stop Blaming Others and External Events
From now on, you must stop blaming others for anything in the past, present, or future. Refuse to make excuses or justifications for your actions. If you make a mistake, say, "I'm sorry," and start correcting the situation. Every time you blame someone else or make excuses, you give up your power, feel weak, and become angrier.
2. Control Your Emotions
There's a direct relationship between taking responsibility and feeling like you have personal control over your life. This means that the more responsibility you take, the more you feel in control.
There's also a direct link between the level of control you feel and your positivity. The more you feel in control of your emotions, the more positive and happy you'll feel about everything you do. When you take responsibility, you'll feel strong, empowered, and capable of setting goals, and, as a result, you'll get rid of the negative emotions that steal your happiness and well-being.
Now that you understand the reasons behind some negative emotions you may experience and what causes you to avoid taking responsibility for your life, as well as the methods that can help you embrace that responsibility, you're at the beginning of a successful journey with yourself. You have the power to control and manage your own life.
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