So what should we do? All we have to do is accept reality and make full use of it. The truth is that adversity and suffering were to be expected, they have always been a part of our lives. We grew up with the saying, “What does not kill us makes us stronger,” and we accepted that. Failed relationships, jobs, and projects are experiences that help you achieve success, or at least bring you closer to it.
In the heat of the moment when disappointing things happen to you, not to others, and they achieve results that are real rather than imagined. It is not easy to accept reality and make the most of it, you feel cheated, victimized, and broken.
Pay attention to expectations
Imagine that you have a ripe and succulent apple placed on a table in front of you, and you eagerly pick it up, take a bite out of it, and start tasting it. You already know what an apple should taste like, so when you find that it tastes a bit more tart than you expected, you feel disgusted and disappointed and swallow it, and you feel cheated that it wasn't a good experience for you, or maybe the apple tasted just as you expected, nothing special at all. So you gulp it down without stopping to savor its flavor and get on with your day.
In the first scenario, the apple let you down because it did not meet your expectations, and in the second, it was very obvious and unexciting because it met your expectations.
Do you see the irony here?
The apple is not good, or not good enough. In this way we live a miserable life; Most of us feel deceived, broken, and victimized.
Now imagine trying this scenario: get rid of your expectations of how apples "should" taste, you don't know, and you don't pretend to know, because you haven't tried it yet, instead, you're curious, unbiased, and open to a variety of flavors, and then you taste them, and you really pay attention, you notice the juiciness, the texture of the crust, the sweet, subtle flavors your tongue tastes, and all the other complex sensations that arise in your consciousness, as you chew you didn't know what they tasted like, but now you realize that it's different from the rest, and it's wonderful in its own way. It's a whole new experience - a worthwhile one - because you've never tasted this apple before.
Mindfulness practitioners often refer to this as a "beginner's mind". In reality, however, it is just the result of the mind, devoid of unnecessary and burdensome expectations.
An apple can be replaced by anything in your life, any event, any circumstance, any relationship, any person, any idea that crosses your mind, anytime and anywhere. If you deal with any of these with expectations of how it should be, they will surely disappoint you in some way, or they will be obvious very much, and they will leave no memory.
You'll only move on to the next disappointment, the next not-so-exciting experience, and so on until you've lived your entire life stuck in an endless cycle of things you barely like or barely even feel existed until you feel like everything and everyone you've known has deceived you.
But, if you treat every event, circumstance, relationship, and so forth without expectation, and see that event, circumstance, and relationship at face value, you will experience these things and be curious about them, as you have not experienced them before, and you will be able to respond with caution to everything that happens next.
But (there is always a but..)
Now that we've cleared things up, let's get real about one more thing: At some point, even when you've done your part to be wary of expectations, someone you trust or respect will intentionally harm you, deceive you in some way by putting their self-centered agenda ahead of your feelings, and they will do so mercilessly and without apology.
As you face this reality and struggle to come to terms with it, remember 7 things when you feel deceived:
1. The person who cheated on you is probably more broken than you think
When people cheat in any area, they underestimate themselves, and they directly threaten their self-respect and relationships with others by undermining the confidence they have in their ability to succeed, in their ability to be honest, and in many ways, they are deeply broken, but even so, this does not justify their behavior.
2. The truth hurts, but it's much better than holding on to the lies you once believed in
The scary thing about undiscovered lies is that they have a greater potential to devalue us in the long run than open lies. Undiscovered lies undermine our strength and our self-esteem until we reach the bitter end. So keep this in mind, the truth heals, even if it hurts at first.
3. Arguing with someone who has deliberately wronged you only fuels the pain
You are often more powerful when discussing betrayal when you are silent. The perpetrator never expects silence, he expects screams and tragedies, defense and attack, and much hit and run, as he expects your attack, and prepares to defend themselves with prepared and equipped malicious remarks, but your watchful silence can calm him down, and give you the space you need to move forward, one way or another, with or without him.
4. It's always better to wish the good for people, even if they don't deserve it
As the late Indian politician Mahatma Gandhi said, “An eye for an eye ends up making the world blind.” If you spend your time and energy hoping someone will suffer the consequences of breaking your heart, you are allowing them to hurt you again in your mind.
5. Healing becomes easier when you forgive others
Forgiveness is crucial to your recovery, and the secret is to be mindful and grateful no matter what happened. It just takes slowing down and taking the lesson from it. When you forgive someone, you decide not to let the irreversible past affect your present, and that has nothing to do with freeing the offender of their crime, but it is about freeing yourself from the burden of being an eternal victim.
6. The person who hurts you does not represent us
Each of us suffers at least one betrayal in his life, but this is what unites us. When this happens to you, the solution is not to let someone's despicable actions destroy your trust in others, do not let them take that away from you.
7. Things may not always turn out as you expect
When you don't get what you want, sometimes it's a necessary preparation for you, other times it's a necessary protection for you, but that time isn't wasted, it's a step in your journey, and one day, you'll look back on that time in your life and see that you've been hurting, and your heart is broken, but your life was changing in your favor.
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