Note: This article is by Rochi Zalani, who talks about 4 ways to overcome social comparison.
When I started my work as a writer, I met many writers on the Internet, and at first, I loved interacting with them and exchanging ideas about our different experiences. Still, soon I started to feel afraid, and things turned around, and I started to overthink, which made me more anxious.
The worst part about social comparison is that it kills the joy in all accomplishments. You may have a great life and still want what others have. Because of these thoughts, you stop celebrating all the small, worthwhile accomplishments, and you stop feeling contentment, peace, or joy.
However, everything changed one day when I saw a post on social media written by a successful woman, but she wasn't talking about her accomplishments. Rather, she was talking about how she stopped using social media to confront the problem of social comparison.
How can you overcome social comparison?
I was shocked when I found someone I thought was living a perfect life with a comparison problem like me, and I realized that it wasn't a lack of achievements, money, or rewards, but it was the negative effect of using social media.
1. Write down the things you are grateful for
There are huge scientific benefits to writing a gratitude journal, but for me personally, the most important benefit I get is that I remember everything I do have instead of the things I don't have, which is the opposite of the feeling you get when you scroll through social media.
Simply put, I write down three things each morning that I'm grateful for in a note-taking app on my phone, and go back to those things at times when I start to compare myself to others and follow the same routine before bed. I write down the three things for which I am grateful. Though it's a simple habit, it changed my life.
The benefits take time. Instead, they appeared in the long term as I began seeing abundance rather than scarcity in my life. So, instead of minimizing my accomplishments compared to someone else's more remarkable achievements, I realized there were enough opportunities for everyone, and I began congratulating others on their accomplishments.
2. Track achievements
A close friend and I realized that we often support each other to do more, like reading more books, doing sports, working harder, etc., which is great. Having a friend hold you accountable creates a system for getting things done.
It occurred to us while talking about social comparison, why not do the same? Keeping track of each other's achievements made us acknowledge that even the smallest progress mattered, and we started a group. We tracked our achievements on the day, so I must do something.
This is the rule. Even if you write, “I accomplished 1/10 of the tasks on my to-do list today,” that counts. Seeing yourself this way gives you a self-esteem boost that no amount of bragging on social media can match.
3. Identify your inner critic
Everyone talks about their self-awareness in the inner critic's voice and says, “Don't listen to your inner critic.” But how? It's tough to know you're in a social comparison spiral when you come across one, but one trick that helped me was to give it a name and address it, so feel free to name your inner critic.
For me, whenever I noticed I was in a bad mood, I would ask myself, “Is my inner critic talking to me?” Most of the time, the answer is yes. The inner critic doesn't want to believe I'm good enough. So, when I'm angry for not getting enough, I say: "I know you're scared and anxious, inner critic, but we'll get there. Comparing someone's strengths on social media to our weaknesses isn't a fair measure. Worrying won't get us anywhere, so let's enjoy what we have for now."
4. Turn comparison into a like
I love to communicate with others, and I enjoy making a real connections with people both online and in real life, and this is how I run the newsletters I write for my subscribers; that is, by forming relationships with my readers.
I love communicating with fellow writers who are more allies than rivals, but social comparison takes away that sincerity in conversation. Turning my comparison habit into a like is the best way to eliminate this problem. It takes a little deliberate effort at first.
Still, once you get used to liking rather than being compared, you see yourself forming better connections, and the result is that you also begin to realize that you have a person who looks like you on social media. Someone just like you has good days and bad days.
In conclusion
The social comparison makes you depend on external measures to assess your quality of life. This is not only inaccurate, but it's harmful, and fortunately, there are good habits you can form to eliminate unhealthy social comparisons.
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