Rejection Can Lead to a Happier Life
This article is taken from the writer Darius Foroux, in which he tells us about his experience rejecting undesirable requests and the feeling of happiness he achieved as a result.
We believe we should always say yes to opportunities. We fear that our refusal will result in us missing out on money, fun, or other experiences. Yet, we always accept at the expense of our own time.
Sometimes we accept everything that is offered to us blindly, and we often do not see rejection as a skill. If you are at work and your boss asks you to turn in a report before the end of the day, you certainly agree, but it hinders your work, and you often have to give up other things.
Michael Jordan, the American basketball player, says: “I felt no fear at all, no fear of failure, so if I miss a shot, so what?”
We agree to a lot of things in our personal lives all the time
When friends ask us to go out and we have other things to do, we say yes and support our friends or acquaintances without thinking about it. Sometimes we even agree to bigger things we don't like, take jobs we don't like, or start relationships with people we don't like.
Perhaps we do this because we fear rejection and letting people down, and we avoid confrontation. So often, the stress of rejection causes us to automatically agree to things we don't want and then complain or blame ourselves: "Why can't I say no?" In relationships, we fear settling down because if we reject an opportunity, another may not arise.
Other people's expectations
Learning to say no can save us a lot of time and stress. While we fear letting people down, the opposite is true. People will start to respect you more when you start saying no and see that as a strong personality trait.
It's time to stop doing things just to live up to other people's expectations. You don't have to do things you don't like, and if you don't start to learn to say no and you keep doing things you don't want to do, you will develop a feeling of hatred towards the person you are trying to please. So the refusal is not always in your best interest alone; in fact, by saying no, you are thinking of the best interests of others as well.
If you agree to a night out and dinner with your spouse and you don't feel like it, you're probably not in the mood. And then you will be unfair to your partner because you will not be mentally present with them.
If you prefer to go out the next day because you are tired tonight, make it clear, and your partner will respect you for this frankness, but if they don’t appreciate that, then you have to explain the reason for the refusal and encourage them to say no when they don’t want to do anything either.
Conforming to the expectations of others can affect the outcome of your life. When you agree to your partner's request and you do not feel the desire to do so, it may not have serious consequences for your life, but sometimes it is about choices that can affect the outcome of our lives. When parents expect their children to go to university, children often succumb to the wishes of their parents.
We are all unique and have things we want in life. Asking people to do something they don't like is unfair. So if you don't want to go to college for a good reason, don't. We have to follow our passion and make our own path.
Say No to chaos
We must reject everything that causes chaos in our lives. Author Greg McKeown writes in his book Essentialism that "the disciplined pursuit of the few" allows us to take back control of our choices. McKeown claims that the most successful people in history were "essentialists" who adhered to essentialist principles.
They can separate what is essential from what is not in life. Saying "no" is a way to show what you consider "necessary" by rejecting everything that causes chaos in your life.
“While it can be difficult to say no to someone, failure to do so can cause us to lose something much more important,” McKeown says of the importance of rejection. When we have a purpose in life, everything that does not contribute to that purpose becomes a mess for us.
When we want to live a stress-free life, we have to say no to many things. Saying yes to invitations from our colleagues, friends, or family without thinking is stressful, and we often regret it for days. We worry about damaging our relationships, we worry about breaking down bridges, and we worry about what people will think if we say no. But we live in an abundant world, and by saying no, you are not missing out on anything. The world is full of opportunities and beauty.
In conclusion
We may think you are not a good friend or colleague when you say no to a friend or colleague. But you are not a bad person when you refuse something you do not want. Once we refuse for the first time, we lose the fear of disappointing people and discover that it was not that hard, that we replace chaos with peace and clarity, and that we enjoy the things we say yes to with all our desire. Hence, we become more present and happier.