Sometimes, these thoughts are like the sound of a refrigerator; any quiet background noise you barely notice, and other times patterns of unproductive thoughts take over your mind completely, which makes it difficult to focus on anything else, according to Professor of Human Behavior and Executive Coach Melody Wilding.
Thoughts that linger in our subconscious mind help us as a driving force that pushes us forward, or they can be the reason for retreating to a state of defeat, according to Wilding.
Negative Thought Patterns You Should Stay Away From
Overthinking can happen a lot. It is almost impossible to eliminate the patterns of unproductive thoughts from your mind. In her new book Trust Yourself, Wilding pointed out ten patterns of negative self-talk, people's ways of overthinking, and the way to put ideas on the right track. So, we will highlight below the most common unproductive patterns of thinking:
1. All-or-Nothing Thinking Principle
Wilding says that the all-or-nothing way of thinking is an unproductive thinking style that many of her clients suffer from. She also says: “It means that you see a situation in its absolute form, without thinking of any compromise.” One example is when you think that you are a complete failure if you do not get something done right.
Wilding explains tha it's like claiming that you bet fully on something for it to be part of your life. For example, you may have a personal goal to share your home recipes with the world. Still, instead of just posting them on social media or starting a website, the all-or-nothing principle of thinking makes you believe that you have to be a health coach with a license or get a chef's certificate before you share your recipes with the world.
This is Wilding's advice for both situations: find a compromise.
“Attitudes are more subtle than people think,” Wilding says, “and you do not have to go to extreme lengths to see something in full view.”
2. Overgeneralizing
Overgeneralization is similar to the all-or-nothing way of thinking in that it is a negative thinking pattern that takes the situation to the extreme. Wilding explains that the difference is that the all-or-nothing approach to thinking is related to a specific position, while overgeneralization turns it into a pattern. Wilding says: “It is like when you think that failing at the last presentation means you will inevitably fail at the next one.”
This type of thinking is incorrect, and whenever such ideas arise, Wilding says you should pause and think about the facts. You may not have succeeded completely in the last presentation, but the truth is that what happened in the past does not affect what will happen in the future. She also says: "What we tell ourselves is often an unhelpful story, so make sure to change it."
3. Eliminating Positive Thoughts
Dismissing positive thoughts is another unproductive thought pattern that is especially common among those with low self-confidence, Wilding says. "One example is difficulty accepting compliments,” Wilding says. “For example, if you work hard on something and someone acknowledges that you did a great job, but you ignore that compliment, saying it was a team effort, rather than simply thanking them.”
Wilding gives other examples of you doing a good job but telling yourself that anyone can do it.
Building self-confidence takes a long time, but Wilding advises that you set aside time each week or each day to focus on your successes and discover your strengths. Wilding emphasizes that these successes do not necessarily have to be linked to achievements, although you can also include this.
Moments of strength are times of perseverance; that is, when you manage a difficult conversation or push yourself to try something outside your comfort zone, Wilding explains that the goal is that you will start noticing your abilities over time, which in turn stops excluding positive thoughts more often.
4. Emotional Reasoning
“Simply put, emotional thinking is when you feel something, and then you think it must be right,” Wilding says, explaining another unproductive thinking style. For example, believing that you are not enough just because you feel like it or being convinced that you should not set limits in your relationship with someone just because you feel guilty because you did, but emotions do not always represent you or exactly what is happening.
Here is how Wilding advises people to stop emotional thinking when it appears: Set a time from 90 seconds to 30 minutes, allowing yourself to feel all the emotions that overwhelm you, such as sadness, guilt, stress, or others. Then, when the alarm rings, complete what you have been doing. Wilding says: “This is a way to divide those feelings, so you do not take your whole day.”
5. “Must” Statements
These statements are about the expectations we set for ourselves. Have you ever struggled with something and thought about your secret, “I should be better at this?” It is about competence because it is about believing you can do something.
Managing statements that begin with “you should” is by giving yourself time, and Wilding encourages us to think about where these expectations that we set about ourselves come from. Do you derive them from your manager, your partner, or one of your parents?
“Although you can live by a set of rules and standards,” Wilding wrote in her book, “Think about who made these rules and whether they allow you to live the meaningful life you have always dreamed of, rather than focusing on what you cannot do yet, and focus on what you can do and what progress you can make.”
It should be noted again that unproductive thinking patterns must infiltrate us, just like tiny mosquitoes, and that it is impossible to stop them forever. That does not mean they can occupy your mind; you can eliminate them when they appear, and with some exercise, they will occur less, and positive thoughts will take their place.
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