Note: This article is from Terra Vicario, Chief Marketing Officer at Viventium, who shares her own experience balancing work and life as a working mom.
My working mom's journey began in 2009 when I had my son, Jake. I was a sales manager at the time and not only had a newborn baby depending on me but also a team of sales reps who required just as much of my energy and attention.
During my career, I have gone from being a new working mom to a single working mom to an executive working mom. I continue to learn about the intricate phases of raising a child_ kids are all about phases_ all while continuing to build my career.
Whether the new mothers who endure too much pressure or mothers who used to cope longer ago, mothers’ goals are the same: To raise well-adjusted, loving children who are healthy and happy and to contribute in a meaningful way at work, using our education and talents to create a memorable career.
Important tips for working mothers
All day long, we read articles about the challenges of everyday motherhood, but they don’t always necessarily incorporate work challenges. So, as a full-time working mom, I offer four pieces of advice to a working mom:
1. Talk about your children at the office
It’s okay to talk about your children at work. We are proud of our children and sometimes frustrated with them.
Long ago, I read a book called The Male Factor, in which author Shaunti Feldhahn illustrates the major differences between men and women at work. These differences range from things like inter alia, men acting objectively at work away from feelings.
At the same time, women support the expression of emotions in the workplace, and how men prefer to want a conclusion first without attention to any details. Men certainly talk about their children, and women tend to go into more detail.
I used to think if I spoke too much about my child, maybe others would get the perception that I would rather be at home and not pursue my career. I would look into mostly male colleagues' eyes and think, “Am I talking too much about my children?”
When I’d get questions about how my son Jake was doing in school or if he was playing any sports, I knew it was just as acceptable to share my mom's life as it was to hear about the new restaurant my colleague tried over the weekend. Just because you are working doesn’t mean that you don’t have a life outside of work.
Showing you are a mom even when you are in a business suit is not just important for your personal mental health, but it’s also an important example to set for the next generation of mothers-to-be. It shows that you can juggle like a pro and that you’re proud of being both a mom and an employee.
2. Get rid of guilt
The guilt door definitely swings both ways. As working moms, it sometimes seems like we have to pick between two options: Be a good mom or be a good employee. But the question arises: How do you choose which to prioritize?
Luckily, everything is not always that black and white. As Tania Lombrozo points out in her NPR essay, “ Working mothers are more than just workers and mothers.” I’m here to tell you that we can be good at both simultaneously.
So often, we make ourselves sick trying to be perfect. We talk in absolutes and say things like, “If I don’t plan every baseball game my child will participate in, I’m not a good mom. And if I don’t attend every business dinner, I’m not a good employee”.
But the truth is that we usually feel good in every aspect of our lives without striving for idealism. When we try to achieve perfect results in what we do, we will inevitably fail.
I try my best to avoid the perfect regarding my son’s activities. Every year, I feel a little guilty that I cannot become a class mom who is involved with my son in every holiday and classroom activity. The guilt is even worse when my son asks me that. It’s difficult when you have a demanding full-time job.
So, I decided to participate in a few of the events. I don’t mind taking a half-day to go to school and play games with my son, but I definitely cannot volunteer more hours than I have while working full-time. Finding compromise helps me manage the guilt we often feel when our kids insist on us.
If you think about it, I bet you will see that not every mother can be with her children and always attend all of their children’s activities.
On the other hand, not all employees can attend every business dinner either, as they may plan to do other things with guests from outside the city, or there may be a pre-planned event in their schedule that allows them to apologize for attending.
People won’t remember when you haven’t been able to attend a meeting, and you shouldn’t think too hard about it either.
Rather, give yourself some comfort, bring all the major important occasions, and you can do different things in the remainder of the time. After the guilt closes, don’t open it again and punish yourself.
3. Show gratitude to the people who support you in your life
Needless to say, my life wouldn’t be the same without people supporting me. In my case, my family is the primary factor that makes all of this work. Whether I have to do a lot of work at home or delay a very fruitful meeting, my parents are always there.
I will admit that I have lost my way in the field of motherhood and in my career and that I need to stop more frequently and think about showing gratitude to those who help me make this all work.
So, whatever of who supports you, whether it’s your family, your husband’s family, a stay-at-home partner, or a reliable babysitter, make sure to take time to show how much you appreciate their help in making your working mom's life possible.
4. Don’t worry about making choices
We are never stuck. We have choices_ some we may like and others way may not, but they are choices nonetheless. They say timing is everything, and I really believe that is the truth. Have you ever noticed that when your personal life is going great, your professional life may be challenged? And that the exact opposite is also often true.
There have been times in my career when a promotion or change in position was right for me and other times when I just needed to stay put because my home situation wasn’t ready for the proposed change.
I probably stayed in my sales management role longer than I would have liked because it felt safe. I knew the role well, and while my son was learning to talk and walk and becoming potty-trained, I knew the pressure of learning a new role or taking on more responsibility was impossible. I knew my limits physically and mentally. It wasn’t until he was settled in kindergarten that I felt it was time to take on a new adventure and challenge myself in new ways.
I think that sometimes we think about the opportunities that appear in front of us ideally and that they will never repeated. Still, if the timing is not right, you will not feel good about the decision, no matter how great an opportunity it seems. Give yourself permission to weigh the options and make a decision depending on whether the timing is right in your life, and know that plenty more opportunities will come along.
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