4 Steps to Raise Your Assertiveness

Making decisions has always been challenging for me. I was jealous of people who could do it without spending a lot of time carefully weighing the advantages and disadvantages of each option. Such people are compelled by life to make the right choice.

Note: This article is by Erin Falconer, who shares 4 steps to becoming more assertive in life.

I so badly wanted to possess that innate ability to make decisions because I frequently heard those around me say things like, "My gut told me the house was right," or "I broke up with that guy because it felt like a fate sign."

My life has never been this easy or clear, and unlike many people, I have never known how to make snap decisions or been given signs from life to guide me in that direction. I found it difficult to make decisions independently, without assistance, depending only on my judgment and experience.

Also, the lack of knowledge about the problem made the task even more terrifying and challenging. In addition, it is sometimes difficult for a person to discern their own desires to make the best decision because we cannot predict the future.

Fear of failure may cause postponement of decision-making. It should be noted that postponement can be a successful strategy sometimes; however, many people wait until things and conditions become clearer and then reconsider the issue.

Ultimately, they are unable to reach any firm decisions. This raises the question, "In light of the fear and uncertainty surrounding the future, how do you solve the issue, control the situation, and make a decisive decision?"

Just as not everyone is naturally inclined to exercise, not everyone is naturally assertive. For example, even though I dislike the gym concept, I am aware of the health benefits of exercise.  As a result, I devised a system that compels me to use my body in everyday situations, like walking a portion of the way to work or taking the stairs whenever feasible rather than the elevator. Similarly, you can create a system to support your increased assertiveness in daily life.

4 Steps to Raise Your Assertiveness in Life

1. Avoiding Worrying About Simple Decisions

The decision-making process is very arduous and drains a person's limited energy. For this reason, it is advisable to avoid overloading the mind with decisions regarding unimportant issues when making important decisions.

In a Vanity Fair interview, former US President Barack Obama stated, "You’ll see I wear only gray or blue suits. I’m trying to pare down decisions. I don’t want to make decisions about what I’m eating or wearing because I have too many other decisions to make".

Your decision-making ability must be reserved. So, when you have an important decision to make, save time and mental energy on trivial matters like selecting food or home supplies. Limit your decision-making to straightforward problems, incorporate them into a fixed routine, or give yourself just five minutes to work on them. Try to simplify things as much as possible.

2. Determining Your Desired Life

"When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier," stated American businessman Roy Disney, a co-founder of the Walt Disney Company.

Setting goals is crucial in the decision-making process and increasing assertiveness in life. When I have to decide on an issue when working on a project with multiple parties, I usually refer back to the original goal.

Similarly, you must figure out what kind of life you want to lead. You can use the journaling method, which requires setting aside some time to write down your goals and desires for three days in a row until you receive a clear response.

Statements may initially seem general and vague, such as: “I want to draw.”   Next, you have to ask yourself, "What do you want to draw?" as you continue exploring. Furthermore, for whom?   The following week, you should dedicate three days in a row to the process if you cannot receive a clear response.

The question is not limited to general life; you can use it to figure out what kind of work you want to do, what kind of relationship you want to be in, and who you want to spend time with.

3. Addressing Your Fears

The majority of the time, people hesitate and are unable to decide because they are afraid of the negative consequences that could arise from the decision-making process. While some fears are legitimate and should be considered, others are illogical.

The actual issue is that if you put these worries off, you won't advance. The solution requires confronting your fears by writing them down and evaluating them. It is necessary to create a strategy for handling it and consider it when making decisions if they make sense.

Furthermore, the decision-making process should be positive, not based on fears or negative possibilities, so a strategy for overcoming potential roadblocks and anxieties must be developed. Therefore, your ultimate decision should be determined by your ultimate goal and the life you want to lead.

4. Following Your Intuition

Malcolm Gladwell, the author of the book Blink, presents experiments demonstrating that thoughtful analysis is the best way to approach clear choices. However, unconscious thought processes are very effective when analysis and personal choices become complex.

Undoubtedly, this approach is an oversimplification of the issues. However, making sensible decisions is up to each individual; nevertheless, matters like picking a career or a life partner need to consider human intuition.

It can be challenging to interpret intuitive cues at times, so the solution is to concentrate on your life's values and fears to help you deal with the circumstances. I believe that physical symptoms indicate the nature of intuition, so I tend to focus on my physical feelings while thinking about the options presented in the matter.ش